If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
