I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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