She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
