We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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