my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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