im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
