Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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