theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
