Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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