he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
