she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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