just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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