You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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