Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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