Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
