Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
