So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
