I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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