She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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