How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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