i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
