Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
