I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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