Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
