good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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