I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
