Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
