I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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