You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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