I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
