I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
