I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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