New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm at about main and main street
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
