Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize