someone threw a dead crab at me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
