Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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