I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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