i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
only you would photoshop your dick
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
