Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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