Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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