i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
