I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
