So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
