I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
