butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
