he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
