Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
