Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just had sex bonerless
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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