oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
