So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
