My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
