Whatcha textin bout Willis?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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