At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.