a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet