I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???