someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.