Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
