An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
