you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
