Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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