I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
