my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your penis caused this!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize