He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
