in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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