Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
