watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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