Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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