So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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