I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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