I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
