I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
