I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Found the puke drawer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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