Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
