is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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