I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
