Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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